I have tried to find the words to express my sorrow with this because I feel so torn. On the one hand when I think of my Jewish colleagues and friends, I can imagine that watching the world ignore your plight and grief after October 7 has caused heartache that cannot be described. I am sensitive to that, because I know what it feels like to experience racism and no one seems to care or to be moved to do anything about it. Every time I have stepped out of the haven of Howard University, and worked or studied in predominately White universities, I have found an unwelcoming environment, but I am am committed to combating that with truth, love and grace (but omg it is so hard).
I am torn because I also grieve for Palestinians who also feel unseen and unheard about their cries that started long before Oct 7. The world has known about their oppression and has NEVER shown any grief for it (the guilt of that weighs heavy on me).
The world often does not hear the cry of the non White person. In academia this is especially true. Claudine Gay tried to escape this pain, by being the best and achieving the most. She almost made it. Even seeing the support of hundreds of colleagues from Harvard after she made the mistake of not standing boldly against antisemitism, may have caused her to feel “My experience will be different than others who look like me and tried to walk this path.” But ultimately nothing could shield her. We cannot make ANY mistakes, so we work really hard not to. Even still, when we think we have escaped one rejection, they will find another way to dismiss us. We cannot miss that citation (so we will read that paper a million times checking to make sure we didn’t). We cannot say the wrong thing (so we will stay up late rewriting that speech and having others listen to make sure it is just right). We cannot be late for that meeting or deadline (so we get there 15-30 minutes early). We cannot forget just the right salutation or closing in an email (so we write the email and send it to several people before we send it off). We cannot do the data wrong (so we will stay up all night running calculations over and over). We have to keep the paper trails (so we create a filing system for organizing every email, meeting notes, etc). Keep every copy of this or that. We must check our information or sources because if we get one fact wrong, we will be dismissed (so whenever we write or say something we have probably done extensive research before anyone even hears or sees it…a person literally told me that they check what I say on Google and were frustrated that my facts were always correct). Making sure we are perfect on the job (or as they say “Black Excellence”), is another job! Even worse, you have to track everything because you can also catch the blame of someone who actually made the mistake and all of your effort to be perfect will come to nothing. Yet, those who do the micro/macro aggressions, will keep their positions and effortlessly keep moving forward, even while making mistakes in their career. How can we make this stop?
For any who are celebrating her resignation, realize that you are celebrating the public example of what happens to us every day in the non HBCU. There is no grace for us. There is no grace for the non White person who is just trying to thrive in institutions that ultimately don’t really want us there in the first place. Antisemitism is not the only issue and her resignation will not fix the very root of the problem. In fact, it is a manifestation of how deep the problem is. How do we rid our universities of racism towards ANY people group? How do we make the university a welcoming space for ALL people to thrive and progress, no matter their race, ethnicity, religion, culture, etc.?
I do not celebrate her resignation. I am grieving. She was not able to be perfect enough to stay or there was not enough grace for her (I mean they worked hard to find those mistakes, and everyone is cheering that they finally found it) & it makes me realize that many of us won’t be perfect enough either, yet we will keep trying and hopefully one day change will come. Claudine Gay being made the face of racism in academia, however, makes it hard to have hope.
So what is the solution? I personally don’t think we will end racism without changing hearts and I first have to start with me. It is unhealthy to place a person under the constant pressure to be perfect to gain the favor of White people or institutions. I know many who follow this blog may not be a religious, but I can only share what has worked for me and what has kept me at peace. I live for an audience of ONE. I do not do my work to make myself accepted by Whites. Some can read this and decide to find their self esteem within their own worth or some type of inner truth/belief and that is fine. Please find something other than another human to live for.
I find my worth in Christ alone. I know that if what I do is done with excellence because I represent God to the world, then I am able to work hard from a place of love and not fear. Perfect love casts out fear. My love for God leads me to want to do my work with excellence, at the same time, if I do make a mistake, I am not afraid of those who want to see me fail. God’s unconditional love for me gives me a peace to accept my mistakes and to try to make them right, because I know that he accepts me as I am. My faith in God gives me the confidence that my progress and success is possible no matter what obstacles stand in my way and all the racism in the world cannot keep me from moving forward. Living for an audience of ONE also gives me courage to stand on truth even at the risk of being rejected by the people and institutions I would like to be successful with. At the end of the day, truth is the only sure thing. So, when I see any form of injustice, I will not allow a fear of losing my job or favor with a person who is racist keep me silent. I answer to ONE and he holds me accountable for advocating for those the world wants to mistreat. He also commands me to be truthful when I feel offended, instead of keeping it all in. Holding on to bitterness will ultimately hinder my progress, but speaking the truth in love can heal relationships but more importantly, liberate me from the hurt of racism. Doing this leads to healing, forgiveness and reconciliation. I begin with my heart because change has to begin with me. So if each of us works on our hearts, then little by little, slowly but surely maybe we can change academia. In the mean time, I pray for Claudine Gay, that her heart will find healing. Yet, I also pray for the many Jews, Blacks, Latino, Muslim, Israeli, Palestinian, Asians, and any non White person who has been hurting for decades in institutions that are still plagued by racism. We cannot wait for change, because change is too slow in coming. I pray for all of our hearts to find healing, hope and worth from within, because America’s institutions still have a long way to go before they are truly free from the chains of racism .
Dr. Anika T. Prather 