I cannot sleep. I just realized that my troubled heart is not really because of how the SCOTUS chose to end affirmative action in academia. I think I am more grieved by the response to those of us who are hurt by the decision. Even more troubling is that those who are the most negative, have the least empathy, and say the most unkind things about our hurt, are Christians. I am a Christian. I love God with every fiber of my being and yet I have to remind myself constantly that these responses do not reflect the God that I know. Even though their profile bios talk about loving God and country, I have to go back and reflect on the God of the Bible, manifested through the humble and compassionate humanity of His Son and find solace.
The decision to end Affirmative Action hit home for me, because even though Justice Roberts claimed that now schools will have to learn how to not let race be a factor in admissions, I KNOW that without that mandate, decisions will be made to reject people with black or brown skin. When I say that, I will often get accused of being trapped in the construct of race, but I did not create that framework here. When Blacks Only and Whites Only signs were put up, that solidified the color line. That caused Whites to develop a subconscious bias against those with darker skin and it caused Blacks to feel that their life has to constantly fight through that. Having a North and South part of America that fought one another in the bloodiest American battle in history sealed the fate of division in this country. BUT GOD is the great healer and unifier. He calls us to join him in breaking this curse, but it can only be done through humility and truth. This can only be healed by all of us acknowledging that this is still an issue and ALL of us doing the humble work to dismantle it. Denying its existence does not make it go away. Pretending that after the Civil War and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 everything is all better now, does not make it go away. For centuries we have been trying to rid ourselves of this sin stain, and sometimes we stunt the growth of progress by our resistance to seeing that a healing process is still needed. Facing it and then making a conscious decision to change our whole perspective is not something only Whites need to do or that only Blacks need to do. It is something that we ALL need to do. We need one another to heal.
When I shared my thoughts on the current existence of racism and its connection to the Affirmative Action decision openly, my thoughts were met with “How do you know?” or “What about the Asian Americans?” or “White people feel discriminated against too because of Affirmative Action.” or “Your just misunderstanding those experience, so you can’t prove they’re really racist.” or “Why do you talk about race so much and race isn’t even real.” or “Martin Luther King would have been happy to see Affirmative Action end (which is so offensive, that I never know just how to respond when White people appropriate the Civil Rights Movement for their fight against equality for minority people.). The more I read these comments, the more that I feel like I am in some sort of twilight zone. Some of the responses literally totally ignore my actual human experience, with one person saying that even though I have been called the “N” word, I shouldn’t judge people as being racist. Then they may go on to say, “You must forgive and move on.” The Black church and community should not be the only safe space to talk about these things. The Black church and community is comforting because I can find people with common experiences and that always sooths the hurt, but it does not heal. Healing only comes through repentance and forgiveness, not constantly retelling our common stories with racism without a solution for building a bridge and creating lasting healing. Personally, I find so much healing in the relationships I have formed with Whites where we can openly share our opinions, listen to one another and build a friendship. That feeling is something so wonderful, I cannot even begin to describe it. I know it is Divine and so I constantly pursue those relationships.
My experience with racism, goes well beyond being called a racial slur or other overt forms of racism, which is why many dismiss our testimonies of racism, because it is not blatant enough. I know that people have different experiences, depending on where they live in the country, but for me racism has been especially prevalent because of the environment I grew up in, the environment where I worship (outside of my church but in a Christian setting) and the environment where I work. Being a minority in primarily White Christian spaces, just fostered a great deal of racist trauma. I won’t recount them again (because I do write about it a lot), but they happened and still happen. Being a minority in primarily White academic spaces, also has caused me to have some of the same experiences. To triple the madness, being a minority in the specific fields of classics and liberal arts, again has exposed me to this sense of my presence is infiltrating some elite club that I was never meant to be invited to. This is my daily experience. Then when I meet people who look like me and who had the same experiences, I can recognize that this is still a huge problem. It’s not just my “paranoia” (as some have accused me of). The experiences are too similar and sometimes the person who has shared the same experience has never met me before. Also, when I look at the research on this topic, I realize that this is still a huge problem. When we talk about racism, we are not talking about what happened during slavery or Jim Crow. We are not talking about being overly sensitive and paranoid that everything is misunderstood as racism. We are not even talking about racist systems or White privilege, per say. When many of us talk about our racist experiences, we are simply sharing our day to day challenges with racism in the form of overt hurt and microaggressions.
This ending of Affirmative Action conjures up the pain that I try to leave at the altar so that I can embody the unconditional love of Jesus Christ. Then I wonder, does God want this left at the altar or does he want us to talk about it over and over, until someone listens, connects the dots and gains another perspective on how racism has led to this devastating decision. What made it devastating? That the plight of Black and Brown people was sacrificed for the plight of Asian Americans, when NO ONE had to be pushed aside and a review of the history of Affirmative Action and how it came to be seen as Constitutional, could have maybe led them to develop an amendment that would have addressed the issues with the Asian American community being treated fairly, along with the minorities that were already being served by it.
My perspective was not to reject the issue with Asian Americans’ unfair requirements for admissions, but to open the conversation whereby we can discuss how to address that without losing the importance of Affirmative Action. OR creating a whole new plan for addressing these challenges. No matter how much that was shared, there was anger. On both sides, no one wanted to have that conversation. Some wanted to remain stuck in “America is racist and always will be.” and others were stuck in “Racism is gone. I don’t see it and if you tell me, I won’t believe you.” People really want to believe that America IS a truly just and fair place for all people and I am telling you, that just isn’t true. People also want to believe that America means nothing good for black and brown people and that also (even with this recent AA ruling) isn’t really true. To acknowledge where America is still failing to address the racism embedded in its infrastructure does not deny the good of the country, but I share constantly, hoping some will be inspired to continue the work of restructuring the country (remember Reconstruction was cut short and we all can’t seem to get off the path Andrew Johnson laid out for us…). We must be intentional about continuing the work of making America a place that really makes way for equality for all.
When I shared about racist experiences in academia, the only perspective that was received, was one that denies the current daily struggles with racism in academia. I shared these racist experiences to give people a glimpse into the hearts that lead in academia. If many of their hearts are still tainted by racism, then how can we be sure that admissions decisions will really be fair and equal for all students regardless of race? Why would there be more work put into ending Affirmative Action, than dealing with the the racist hearts of people? If we dealt with the racism, then there would be no need for Affirmative Action. Racism gave birth to the need for government accountability and the need is still there! I am telling you the need is still there! Reflecting on what I go through as a Black woman in academia, I shutter and my whole heart hurts, because it is not going to get better for us and our plight was sacrificed to meet the needs of Asian Americans, when all we had to do was look into how to address that concern, while maintaining the accountability of Academia to not allow race be the reason a person’s application to college is rejected.
Engaging with people about this decision, allowed me to experience people ignoring, dismissing, or questioning the racism that still occurs. There are many who are intentional about that, and have no concern about seeing racism end. However, I also see many who are not apathetic to this, but who are caught up in the culture of the politics that they cannot see or hear the current testimonies of racism. Those who chose to ignore and dismiss are part of my church community at large. We share the same faith in a loving God, yet our worlds still remain as far as the east is from the west and no amount of sharing or talking seems to help to bridge that gap. In fact when I shared, it was met with anger and resistance.
Even if people would like to see Affirmative Action end, at the minimum there should at least be a willingness to understand why its ending gives all of us who deal with racism regularly, a great deal of trepidation. Instead there is no understanding. There is no empathy. There is no willingness to even have a conversation about how can these different perspectives come together to create a more equal society for Asian Americans, Blacks, Latino, Natives, Whites…EVERYONE. We cannot bury our heads in the sand, cross our fingers and hope that things will work out fine. We must keep the conversation going and maybe one day it will “click” for more people to do their part to dismantle the racial climate within our churches, communities, states and the country. Well let me go to sleep now. Maybe I will dream about MLK’s dream and feel better. Thanks to SCOTUS, I feel we are still so far away from realizing that dream, so it may be a restless night for me even still.
Dr. Anika T. Prather 