I think one of the main ways to end racism is through friendship. This process must go beyond dismantling racist systems, which are created by people with hardened hearts. The reason why America is still struggling with race is because we have not done much to heal the hearts of its people. We jump to knee-jerk reactions like outlawing this or that, taking down statues, canceling this or that, banning this or that…going through a rigid punitive process to make examples of those who do anything that looks remotely racist. Meanwhile, bitterness takes root in the hearts of everyone. We are still plagued by the memories of racism, which give birth to the bitterness that keeps us from moving forward.
There is bitterness in my community because many of us experience racism in some form, revealing a lack of repentance for the past. There is also bitterness in the White community because, in an effort to show some repentance, an erasure of human history and a diminishing of human value is happening in that community. Where the country used to see Black people as cursed or inferior, there is a growing mindset that rejects the supremacy of Whiteness. The tables are turning, but there is an imbalance.
Schools seeking to address how history is taught are often erasing the European story, which leaves holes in students’ education. We have not learned to address racism in a balanced, forgiving, gracious, inclusive (of EVERYONE’S story), truthful, and hopeful way. The hundreds of years of racism, slavery, and oppression have made it hard to untangle ourselves from the scars of the past. Sometimes I feel it is impossible, until I reflect on the friendships that have developed in my life. Thinking on these friendships, I realize that to do my part in addressing racism, I have to nurture and cultivate friendships that can heal. This is a slow process, but I believe in the process of multiplication—that if each person cultivates friendships where we can be genuine and have hard, honest conversations, then one at a time, we can chisel away at our hardened hearts (yes, my heart struggles to change from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh). Racism is not something that White people can fix alone to atone for what their ancestors have done. Racism is also not something Black people can fix alone by being burdened with the responsibility of forgiving the past.
Only through one relationship at a time can we find that place of forgiveness and repentance as we weave together our parallel universes. This is important because we often dwell in different worlds, making it hard to see why repentance or forgiveness is necessary. On the surface, America looks like everything is “all better now.” I’ve even heard some say, “Why are we still complaining? Obama was our way of fixing the past!” I have heard others say, “Why do we have to forgive? We don’t need them and never will! They will never change. The country will always be racist.” So here we are in our own worlds, with our own opinions, not talking to anyone to understand their perspective. We make judgment calls on others and decide how to live and believe by staying as far away from the other as we can.
Throughout my life, and through my parents’ example, God has blessed me with friendships that have given me a different perspective on how to bring racial healing. From a child, my parents showed me the balance between loving my heritage and culture and building bridges to White people and others with the goal of cultivating authentic friendships. My parents were intentional about opening their homes, taking my brother and I to places where we were the minority, and creating a world that celebrated my heritage, but also fostered love for all people. These relationships created a passion for racial healing through building friendships.
One of those friendships is with Jeremy Tate and the CLT Exam. This is not an endorsement in any way. Jeremy and CLT do not need my little blog to help them earn more income and popularity. Neither does the Living Water School need this friendship to be successful (we existed before I knew anything about CLT) . However, I believe our friendship gives the world an example of what authentic friendship in these challenging times can look like and how healing can come from it. From the day Jeremy introduced himself to me, he has demonstrated a sincere desire to understand, to engage in civil discourse, and to welcome multiple perspectives to the conversation. I am not the only one who feels this way. I have met others from diverse backgrounds share the same experience. Jeremy has crossed over into my community often (along with my sister friend Erin Tate) to attend dinners, parties, etc., to engage with my community. Each time, my community was warmed by his kindness and desire to build a bridge! But it couldn’t just be Jeremy crossing into my universe. I have visited his home, family, the CLT Exam offices, events, etc., and have developed friendships with his community too (Soren is my brother from another mother, for real!). Inviting Angel Parham to lead the advisory board, his invitation of so many diverse voices to be on that board, and his constant invitation to be included in this work is a process of building an authentic friendship that I believe is an example of bringing racial healing. Jeremy coming to the Living Water School Thanksgiving dinner or attending my son’s birthday or Erin (his wife) coming to my birthday party are simple ways of crossing a bridge to just build relationships. When I decided to plan Redefining Classics, we had honest and hard conversations on how it could be a space where all feel welcomed. These efforts did not involve a symposium, lobbying effort, or dissertation on race in America! They were simple acts of friendship where we laughed, talked, and connected as plain old human beings. What if we all did that? No strings attached, just the simple goal of healing our brokenness.
There was no condition of changing our political stances or beliefs. We simply decided not to let the mess of this world divide us. Through that friendship, we are growing. I cannot do this work thinking that I am free of any role to play or need to change. I cannot just sit back and think, “Well, White people have done this or that, so I will sit here until they change.” I have to look at my heart! I find in my heart seeds of unforgiveness from the racism I have endured and from the stories of my family and ancestors. I struggle with trust and grace sometimes. My friendship with Jeremy and CLT has challenged that, not because they have accused me or said I need to change. I am not searching my heart to win their acceptance (because everyone will tell you, I will tell folks how I feel whether people like me or not), but as friendship grows, so does love for the person. The more I connect with the CLT community, the more I desire to give grace to everyone. In our conversations, projects, and other times of connection, I have learned how hard it is to seek healing when a person’s heart is hardened or distrust governs how a person interacts. The work of healing is something we all have to actively participate in, and that is humbling.
At the same time, as Jeremy and others in the CLT community grow in friendship with me and my community, ears begin to open, hearts begin to soften, and understanding begins to happen. Before long, all of us are intentional about listening better, thinking better, changing perspectives created by our environments, and speaking in a way that is sensitive to each of our communities. Some may look at me and think I’ve gone “anti-woke,” and others may look at Jeremy and the CLT community as going “woke.” But what if both of those labels are part of the problem and we are just FRIENDS? People are literally afraid to show friendship with others, for fear of looking like they are becoming these awful and confining labels.
Jesus got himself into trouble for building bridges, and he did it without changing who he was and what he believed. He was a friend of sinners, even as the sinless Son of GOD. If Jesus was willing to eat with tax collectors, sinners, and Pharisees, how much more can we seek friendship with those who may not look like, vote like, or believe like us? Jesus did not just live out this example to share the gospel; he lived it as an example for daily living. History and culture have pitted White against Black, Conservative against Liberal, and Republican against Democrat, but the Bible transcends all of that and showed us through Christ that friendship and unconditional love should always be the goal. My friendship with my brother Jeremy Tate, who has consistently proven unwavering support for the work I do and for me as a person, embodies what I see in Christ’s relationship with his disciples (many of whom had been rejected by society) and others, whether they followed him or not (Nicodemus and Joseph did not become his followers until AFTER his death).
Being part of the CLT community also means a friendship that supports the work I do with my students. Adam Roate is always willing to support us as we prepare for testing. There are conversations around how to include literature from diverse authors. Friendship leads us to see the “other” so that we want to invite, include, and support. Friendship is at the root of healing. Our country has been plagued with racism for centuries, and it cannot just STOP. We all have to come together to find love, grace, and friendship, so that the work of racial healing comes from a genuine place. One reason racial healing is hard to achieve in this country is because every effort is perfunctory. They are bandaids, covering a deeper issue—we do not LOVE one another. 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 says:
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
We cannot heal our nation without love. DEI initiatives and many other efforts often take an industrial approach, frequently marked by bitterness, impatience, and a drive to find and punish the “guilty” ones. Sometimes these efforts are forced upon those who don’t want them, which doesn’t truly end racism; it only suppresses it. Genuine change requires a change of heart. Without love, we cannot accomplish anything. So for me, the best approach is to build friendships, because I want my actions to reflect what is in my heart. I want to love and I want to forgive. Building friendships creates fertile ground for love and forgiveness to take root. This is the heart behind everything I do: to build authentic friendships rooted in unconditional love, so that I can do my part to heal this nation, one friendship at a time.
Dr. Anika T. Prather 